Old people have occult skills for opening bottles of beer. Chalk it up to experience, cunning, and a stubborn insistence on opening that bottle of beer dammit even when there isn’t a reasonable tool at hand. But they are too worldly to use the tricks of younger folk.
They don’t use their teeth; they know the price of dentistry.
They don’t crack the cap against the sharp edge of a rock or a length of angle-iron because it is too easy to misjudge, and break the neck of the bottle, in which case you face a difficult choice between going dry and the potential consumption of glass shards.
And they don’t hook the bottle under an eye socket, squint hard, and lever against the bone. For obvious reasons. (No one believes this is possible, but I have seen it. No, I have seen a guy break the seal of a beer bottle doing this, and he was prepared to finished the job but we took him at his word and settled the bet in his favor.)
No. They use what they have. A steely eye. A craftsman’s exquisite touch. And a chainsaw.
